Edward in Underland
by Erik's little bird
Summary: I just could not help myself! I thought, "What if Edward Scissorhands was to meet Tarrant Hightopp? Disclaimer: I own the situation, and nothing else. Rating MAY change in the future. Read, and please review. Suggestions are always welcome


**Edward in Underland**

**Chapter 1: A Very Strange Party**

Edward Scissorhands blinked slowly. He had no idea where he was, or how he got there. One minute, he was walking through his topiary garden, then he tripped over a rabbit hole and fell. _I must have hit my head,_ he thought, _and now I'm unconscious on the ground, and having a dream. That's what happened._ He stopped to look around at the dark forest. Up in a tree by his head, a smile appeared out of nowhere. Edward gasped and stepped back as the smile spoke.

"Hellooo," said the Cheshire Cat, relishing the look on Edward's face when he finished materializing.

"H-hello," Edward stammered uncertainly. Are _cats supposed to be able to do that?_

"And what brings you to Underland," Chessur asked, laying down on the branch to put his head on his paws.

"Is that where I am? I didn't know. I thought I'd tripped over a rabbit hole in my garden," Edward said.

"Oh, really? Then you come from the Otherworld," Chess stated matter-of-factly, as he floated around Edward's head; "My, that is terribly fascinating." They were interrupted by the sudden appearance of two fat boys in striped shirts, who stopped short of Edward and looked at each other.

"Is that him," asked Tweedledee.

"No, that's not him no-how," Tweedledum said, they were starting in on an argument, Chessur could tell, and he clamped a paw over their mouths.

"Leave off," the cat said, "I don't want to hear it today."

"Excuse me," Edward said, clearing his throat, "but who are they confusing me for? And for that matter, who are they? And you?" _This is all too much! And where is Kim? She should have shown up by now. _The thought of Kim not showing up in his dreams for the first time since they met made Edward feel like crying. Chessur sighed and let go of the Tweedles, who smacked and kicked each other, but kept their mouths shut.

"I am Chessur," Chess said, landing on the floor in front of Edward. The Tweedles stopped fighting.

"I'm Tweedledee, and he's Tweedledum," said Tweedledee, gesturing to Tweedledum.

"And contrarywise," said Tweedledum, gesturing to Tweedledee, "I'm Tweedledum, and he's Tweedledee."

"Pleasure to meet all of you," Edward said, "I'm Edward. I would shake hands with you, but…" He lifted up his long, knife-like scissorhands. The Tweedles looked frightened, but Chessur acted like there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about Edward. He yawned, saying, "Come along then, and I'll take you to meet the Hatter. He's the one the Tweedles are confusing you for." Edward was unsure of following Chessur to meet a madman, but he did it anyway.

They reached a wide-open field. In the center, Edward saw a long table set with many different tea sets. Almost all of them were cracked or broken. _How_, Edward asked himself, _does the table stand upright under the weight of all those tea sets and cakes and things?_ Chessur left his side to join the party. Then Edward saw who was sitting down at the table. _Well, I don't know what I expected to see, but it certainly was not this._

Standing on the table, skewering a scone with a hatpin, was the Dormouse, Mallymkun. To her right, Thackeray Earwicket, the March Hare, was throwing a teacup across the table, laughing as one of his ears fell into his rolling eyes.

A young lady ducked out of the teacup's way. For half a moment, Edward hoped it was Kim, and he walked forward a few feet, but he saw the blue dress and golden curls, and his hopes crashed anew. He followed the lady's gaze to the head of the table, and the strangest man, (besides himself,) that Edward had ever seen looked back at him.

It wasn't the suit the strange man was wearing. Edward had seen more colorful and confusing outfits in his hometown. It wasn't the top hat, with its purple sash, either. (Edward rather liked the hat.) It was a combination of things. First, the man at the head of the table had skin as pale as Edward's own, though it was tinged blue and there were red rings around his eyes. Second, the only orange hair Edward ever saw on a man's head was the hair Edward colored orange. Third, the gap-toothed grin on this man's face as he stood and got on the… _Wait, he's walking across the table?! _Edward shook himself, and found a fourth thing: this man who was obviously the Mad Hatter had strange eyes. Edward just couldn't place how they were strange, other than they glowed an unusually bright green. The Mad Hatter hopped off the table, and Edward was keenly aware of the fact that everyone was staring at him. Except the golden-haired lady, who stared at the Hatter.

"You're late for tea, you know, you know, Naughty," the Hatter said. They both heard Thackeray shouting, "Late for **TEA!**" Chessur was finished with his cake, and excused himself for a nap before leaving. No one really paid much attention, accept Alice, who bade the cat "Fairfarren," whatever that meant.

"Duck," the Hatter warned, and Edward obeyed. A teapot landed on the ground several feet behind Edward's head and was smashed. Edward said nothing to the Hatter, but followed him to the table. Before he could sit next to the young lady in the blue dress, introduce himself, or even learn any of their names, the Hatter shouted, "Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move dooooooown!" Everyone else stood and followed the Hatter until they were all sitting in new seats, several chairs to the right of the old ones.

"Now then, dear boy," Hatter began once everyone was settled and introduced, "perhaps you can answer a question for me. Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Edward took a few minutes to think over all the things he learned under the doctor's tutelage.

"Because Mr. Poe wrote on both," Edward said in his quiet, shy voice.

"Don't be silly, Edward," Tarrant said, laughing, "you can't very well tell me someone wrote on a raven!" Alice thought Edward's answer over for a moment, while Tarrant laughed about it with Mallymkun. Thackeray was too engrossed with his spoon to pay attention. Alice's face lit up.

"No, Tarrant. I believe Edward meant that Edgar Allen Poe worked on his poem 'The Raven' while sitting at his writing desk!" Edward nodded, smiling slightly. Tarrant and Mallymkun stopped laughing.

You would think the Mad Hatter would be upset with Alice for spoiling his fun. On the contrary. His grin almost as wide as when Alice agreed to marry him, and Edward was shocked to see Tarrant's eyes turn gold. And when Tarrant got on the table and did something very, very strange, all Edward could ask was, "What is he doing?"

"Futterwacken," answered the other guests in satisfied tones, grinning. Tarrant finished his dance and hopped back off the table.

"You have positively no idea just how long I have been contemplating that riddle," Tarrant said brightly; "How did you figure it out?"

"The doctor read a lot with me before his death," Edward said, "One of the poems we read together was 'The Raven'."

"Recite," Mallymkun ordered, sheathing her hatpin sword. Edward blinked, wondering whether or not he should obey.

"Go on, Edward," Alice said with an encouraging smile. He smiled back, cleared his throat, and recited 'The Raven' for the others. When the suddenly dark, gloomy atmosphere the poem and Edward's quiet, melancholy voice created subsided, everyone applauded.


End file.
